The Butterfly No-Fly Zone

I’m unsettled by some odd things. For instance, butterflies. Butterflies per se don’t strike terror into my heart, but let’s just say I have a three-foot imaginary bubble of personal space around me, and if a butterfly enters that, I’m, er, not so much comfortable with that. In fact, my earliest nightmare (I was 5) featured me standing in a plastic kiddie pool, terrified as a butterfly with a 5-foot-wingspan zoomed between my legs. (Considering how short I was, this shouldn’t have been possible, but eh, dream logic, right?)

Amusing as my husband and pals find this, what apparently delights them even more is my completely rational fear of sock monkeys. I understand why being afraid of small, pretty, flying bugs is amusing; I have no idea why any human can ignore the obvious evil lurking in sock monkeys. I mean: they are MONKEYS. STUFFED MONKEYS. Made out of SOCKS. That’s weird enough, but the socks they’re made out of–white, heathered brown, bright red–I mean, who wears these socks as ordinary socks? Why do the monkeys always have hats, vacant button-eye expressions, perfectly straight blood-red mouths like serial killer clowns? Who would be nuts enough to ever place that in a kid’s room as if it was an innocuous toy?


It’s particularly unsettling that sock monkeys are having some sort of twisted renaissance. Now there are sock elephants, sock bunnies, sock monkey hats, sock monkey slippers, and worst of all, a life-size sock monkey regularly prowling the city streets with his other oversized toy friends in a Kia. Can you imagine running into that thing out clubbing? *shudders* 

…Though I have to admit, the embroidered tatoo is clever.




What’s your weirdest phobia? 


5 thoughts on “Phobias

  1. Claire says:

    Hee hee, I love that we both have a phobia of butterflies! I love the IDEA of them, but, like you, once they get within a certain flappity distance, they are just NOT OKAY.

    That sock monkey dress is more than a little gross. What, we skin the evil creatures and drape their pelts over our bodies?? NO. Plus, from a purely sartorial standpoint, it’s kind of offensive.

  2. Annalise Green says:

    I have mottephobia, fear of moths and butterflies, but only for the moth part. Although butterflies are also too…fluttery, for my tastes.

    BUT! I love monkeys. And therefore sock monkeys.

    But I totally get you on the butterfly thing and don’t think it’s irrational at all! I once had a nightmare that I was standing in a parking lot and a few butterflies landed on me, and I was like, “Eh, okay,” but then MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of butterflies suddenly descended and landed on me, and I was completely covered and smothered in butterflies so that you could not see me, and I guess I just understand your dream about the giant butterfly in the pool very well.

  3. vishalicious says:

    My wife just showed this post to me. She want to “out” me here due to my own fear of butterflies, but I’m going to beat her to the punch while she watches HGTV. I’ve been deathly afraid of butterflies (and oddly, less-so for moths) since I was a kid. I’m 36 now and still can’t stand the sight of them, regardless of distance. I’ve been known to alternatively freeze up or run, panicked, to my car or into the house when they’re in sight. Its really bad in the summer when I’m trying to work the grill. And, for some strange reason, there are always GIGANTIC brown or yellow ones out in the summer that fly-by at 50 MPH and divebomb me. Nothing else bothers me. I can laugh off spiders, wasps, centipedes and whatnot, but once that erratic flight pattern makes its way into my peripheral vision, I get this feeling of pure dread and my sense of fight leaves while flight takes over. I’m actually worried about how this will affect things when we have kids.

  4. Faith says:

    I hate sock monkeys too!! i think it has to do with a dream i had as a child. im glad to know im not the only one.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s